He told me nobody would love me with four kids. He told me that numerous times and his words were often accompanied by laughter.
By the time I left the final time, I didn’t care. I was still trying to figure out what love was and wasn’t sure if what we had was love. If it was love, I had figured I didn’t want it.
I have learned a lot since then.
I busied myself when I left him. I painted. I paint when I am stressed or trying to figure things out. Some do yoga, I paint. As my body ages, the painting comes with a price so I have found other creative outlets.
I was on the phone with my best friend. She suggested I call Aaron.
“Absolutely not! He has one of those on again/off again relationships and I am not getting caught up in that!”
Like I was one to talk.
When I left the final time I had a vision of exactly what I was looking for when the time was right. You see, I’m a thinker and I thought this through… thoroughly.
I was 27 at that time. I pictured a man in his mid-30’s, a few kids (minimum 2), stable, and no drama. Someone who knows exactly what they want in life because they have known enough of life to figure that out.
And like every other night, the kids were in bed by 8 and I sat on the couch alone. I craved conversation.
I made up a stupid excuse to call him.
Maybe we would just catch up.
Where has he been the last 15 years? What did he do with his life? Where is he now? Who is he now?
We had a fling in high school; on our senior trip. I was waiting for my first love who never showed up. He came out to the balcony and saw me crying. He said, “Let’s go for a walk.” We walked more miles of Virginia Beach than I ever walked, even when I lived near there.
That fling was short lived. I was going to Europe and off to college (round 1). He was also planning on going to college. Back then our lives were going completely separate directions.
I saw Aaron once since I graduated high school. After the birth of my fourth child, my family moved to New York because my husband got a diving job in Buffalo. I ran into Aaron at the local small town store. We exchanged hellos and said farewells.
Life is ironic the way it works out sometimes. Things you never expect can happen – good, bad, and otherwise.
When I moved back to NY for the final time, I was looking through a scrapbook I had from my senior year when I stopped at this:
Hey babe, we’ve come a long way. I feel like I have really gotten to know you and someday hopefully even better. Time seems to go so fast, yet it goes so slow. You’re a person I’ll never forget and will come back for. We will meet again and it will be a time for memories – college and maybe Europe. Our times together will last forever. You are a very special person and deserve the type of life you plan. Remember the “Winds of Change” and never change. I wish you all the luck in the future. Enjoy France because this is the time of your life. Live it to the max!
Love ya always,
This note from years ago was displayed at our wedding in 2003…
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