Rest peacefully Eric, everything is okay…


Fifteen years ago, was the day I got the call.. Fifteen years goes by so fast.

There were some tough times. There were some challenges. And there were some pretty amazing moments.

Jonathon had a really challenging time in the beginning. It was really hard Eric.

When we moved in with Aaron, he was so afraid to love him. He fought the idea. I finally sat him down and asked him what was going on.

It would’ve broke your heart.

He told me that he was afraid that if he loved Aaron that you would think he didn’t love you anymore. I explained to that little boy that as we grow bigger, so do our hearts, and we can love many people. I also reassured him that you would always know how much he loved you and loving another would never diminish that.

The children were so young when you died. They all processed your death at different times.

Christian was at school in 2nd grade when it hit him. His teacher told him to be good because you were watching him. That was a really rough day. I went to the school, brought him home, and talked to him. I showed him pictures of you and let him get his feelings out.

Nicolas told me recently that he has never heard your voice. He was so young he cannot remember what you sounded like.

Everything hit Sadie when she was about 11. She desperately wanted to know you. I held back from telling her the whole story until a few years ago.

I don’t have secrets with them Eric. I have shared much with them; the good, the bad, the ugly, and the beautiful. Some of it was hard to talk about. Some was hard to own. I believe there is healing in honesty and I have strived hard to be honest with them. They deserve honesty. We all deserve that.

I remarried a few years after you died. He is a good man. He has walked this journey with all of us. You would like him. I think your mom and dad like him. You won’t believe this, but even my dad likes him.

Nanny told me once that your mom didn’t want to like him at first. He reminded her of you. He is what she thought you would become like one day.

Life has a way of rounding out if we let it.

They still wonder about you. They have questions. There are still days that are challenging. But overall, they have flourished. You would be really proud of them.

I told our story, much of it anyways; it was needed.  There’s still some fences, though I have tried to smash them down.

Aaron built me a fire years ago. I burned a lot of hurt that night.  In some weird way, he helped me understand you better. Maybe it was his love.

Fifteen years ago, I got the call. Fifteen years goes by so fast.

There are some tough times. There are some challenges. But there are some pretty amazing moments.

Rest peacefully Eric, everything is okay…

© LifeasChristine, 2016. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to LifeasChristine with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.











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