She drove like a bat out of hell.
It was the first time I had ever heard her swear.
Picture this petite lady, very put-together, full of class, suddenly taken over with road rage.
It was actually kind of funny.
I’m not sure, but I’d guess we arrived in record time.
They told me it was false labor, but because we lived so far away and my due date being so close they wanted to keep me.
I was not exactly a ‘good’ patient.
I got into an argument with a male nurse.
“I really need to poop!”
“No, you don’t. That’s just the baby bearing down making you feel like you do. Sorry, you cannot get out of bed.”
“Oh really? How many babies have you had? Listen buddy, if you don’t let me get out of this bed and go to the bathroom, I’m going to poop right here on the bed.”
He brought me a bed pan.
At one point I got so fed up with my male nurse that I got out of bed and grabbed my suitcase. I told Eric I was leaving.
He told me I being irrational.
“You can’t just leave the hospital! You are in labor!!”
I was so frustrated and scared. I threw the suitcase down and started crying.
Around the time they moved me into this big operating room, cold and sterile, the new doctor with bedside manner of a porcupine informed me that he was going to give me an episiotomy.
I yelled, “Wait! What is that?”
“I’m going to make an incision.”
“What? An incision? Where?”
“I promise you won’t even feel it. I’ll give you a few locals first.”
People shouldn’t make promises they can’t keep.
I screamed so loud that a nurse came and shut all the doors because they heard my screams from down the hall.
You know what I screamed?
“You said I wasn’t going to feel it!!!!”
He threatened me that he was going to stick some gigantic salad looking tongs inside of me if I didn’t push harder.
The baby’s head had crowned and I could not get that damn head out.
“You are NOT sticking those things in me! Can’t you see there is no room for those?”
“Well, you’ve got 5 minutes and if you don’t push that baby out, I’m using them”
21 hours it took from start to finish.
The minute he came out, they started working on him.
It was a commotion and none of it made sense to me.
They wheeled me back to a room while they tried to figure it out.
A short time later, a doctor came in.
“We are flying your baby to Houston.”
He talked forever and it was all blurry. All I remember is the statement, “Open-heart surgery”
To be continued…
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